The Return To First Love

When I first had this title, the only thing that came to mind was Danielle Steel's romance novel and little did I know that it could be one of the best book to ever cross my path. It was written by Marriane Williamson and she has been qouted even by the likes of Nelson Mandela...I am not not repeat the famous qoute here because I think everyone should know it by now.

But the title hit another nerve last night when I was dragged into one of those conversations. A friend called me and out of the blue asked me if I think he loves himself; and knowing that I am one to be honest, I simply said no. My explanation for my blunt take on the question was: if you loved yourself, you will never put yourself in harms way and do the things that bring misery and hurt into your life. He argued back and said "that drama always follows me wherever I go" and I was quick to point out that drama never follows us, we simply invite it and bring it to ourselves.

Although this was not about me, after I hung the phone it dawned on me that I was saying all these to him and not realising that I should be saying the same things to myself. I started a minute journey into my past and realised all the things that I had come accross, the dramas, the fights, the miseries and heartbreaks and headaches; and realised that about eighty percent of them were simply unneccesary and had I loved myself enough I would not have allowed these into my life.

I realised that for the longest time, I had put my life on a very thin threat that could break at any point simply because I cared very little about me and more about other people. Some of the decisions I made were there to support other dreams not mine.

Going back to that qoute I promised not to mention, I realised that "I let my light go out so that other's can shine". I belittled myself so that others could appear gigantic.

I spent the last five to six years of my life trying to get affirmation from other people. and could stop at nothing to get it and the smallest of these "affirmations" could send chills down my spine. The very thought that someone thinks I am hot, made me intoxicated with affection and I regretably would let them "get away with murder".

Twenty Ten with its challenges and strangely enough heartbreaks, presented me an opportunity to sit back and reflect on this long history of self-love or the lack of. It came to me when friends started spending less time with me. When loved ones seemingly turned a blind eye to my challenges that the root of everything was not with other people but myself. The root of all my problems and unhappiness was with "First Love".

After all the ranting I would like to just take a few more lines of your time and share with you my little but possibly life-changing discovery.

I started looking for answers about who I was and what I wanted out of life and one simple answer came to me and put a lot of things in perspective. I remembered a scripture in Genesis 1:26 where God says" Let us make man in our image so that he can be like us". Boom right there, I had my Oprah's light bulb moment.

That God in His greatness and groly...rolled up His sleeves and made man...He did not speak man into being like He did with all the other creatures, but He said His plan and went down to create man. Over and above that, He said I will make him/her into my image so that he can and should be like Him.

Now it goes further and says "So that he can have authority over the earth and everything that is in it"...Boom, yet again.

The journey to my self-dicovery was on poitn now. I started to ask if God made me like Him, why on earth am I having to fight so hard for other people's affection and love. For their acceptance and permission to live my life. Why on earth am I still doing the things I am doing to put myself in hamrs way just to win their affection. After all, I am made in His devine image and I am like him, a minuture version of the devine God. All that He is I am.

Secondly I started to ask why are the so many things always troubling me, the challenges that always seem to be too big to overcome and problems "always follow me around", and it dawned on me agian that I was given authority over the earth and everything in/on it. that simply put; nothing can happen to me and harm me unless I allow it. I have absolute power to overcome everything and live that happy life that I want to live.

I know this might sound like pop psychology but if one exercises that power, you can never again become a victim of anyone or anything else. You might not have control over your external circumstances but you have control over your internal cirmcumstances.

Right at that moment, I decided that the journey to self discovery has to start with knowing my inner man quite well. I need to understand Karabo Lepote from inside and I owe nothing to anyone. I realised that my failures and successes are mine and mine alone and if I ever have to explain myself to anyone I will always be wasting time explaining myself and none on living my life.

The return to first love had to be the begining of my journey and I hope your. First Love being loving yourself. Beind aware of who you are and never having to compromise on anything and never letting other's shine at your expense. The return to first love simply mean loving yourself enough to know that if you don't love love yourself and celebrate the creation of God in you, you will never be able to love anyone else. If you can't love whats right inside you, how can you love whats foreign to you. This return to first love meant I need to trim the branches that I not beraing fruits in my life and allowing those fruit-bearing one to enter my life. The return to first means, no one can ever make me feel worthier than I do myself and all the affection I can get from other people can only compliment what I feel for myself.

My return to first love means I would now appreaciate and celebrate Karabo every minute because doing so I would be celebrating God's workmanship and work of fine art.

That seems to be quite a lot to take in in one seesion and therefore I decided I am gonna break it down into smaller pieces and share my experiences with you all as I go. This is the start of a great journey and lets all begin it together and I open the floor, so to speak, for anyone to share their experiences so that we can all benefit from this well of life's wisdom

With Love Karabo