When I started this blog a couple of years ago, I really was looking for an avenue to share my thoughts on an array of things. To share my fears, my struggles, my most burning issues and matters I like. But above all this I wanted to get an avenue to write about the GREATNESS that we are as South Africans.
As the name suggests, I took it from the well known collection of Steve Biko's writings. These were according to me the best of philosophies and my introduction to the writings of the father of the Black Consciousness Movement. It was through these writings that I started exploring my "BLACKNESS" and therefore started engaging with the possibilities that I was much greater than I was made to believe because of the color of my skin.
Through these profound writings by Steve Biko, there was a new passion incited in me. They incited a passion to dig deeper into the very thing that makes me and pushes me to start inquiring about that which is outside of me that has everyone fixated on me about (The color of my skin). This only differential factor from other people has been the biggest cause of my pain. This very thing has made people look at me and at the onset start questioning my ability to be as great as they are or better. This skin has made me learn at a young age that "YOU BETTER WORK A HUNDRED TIMES HARDER THAN UMLUNGU" if you want to even get the scrumps off his table.
This was a lullaby that me and many other people with my skin color heard so very often when growing up. This thorny song became one with our skin and incited some level of discontent and pain. It reinforced the very notion that because of the color of my skin, I am not as good as the fairer skinned brothers and sisters hence I needed to work a hundred times harder to achieve and amass even the minimum success (a house and car that will be owned by the bank for the longest time).
The words contained in the writings of Steve Bantu Biko made me to start introspecting and questioning whether I accept the notion that I am lesser because I am BLACK. This is a journey I have made a conscious decision to undertake with nothing less than the best courage of my conviction. I have decided that this is a journey I will take and prove that my BLACKNESS is a symbol of greatness... That my BLACKNESS is indicative of the triumph of a human spirit. It is through my BLACKNESS that the brightest sparks and light will emanate. My BLACKNESS will serve as a beacon of hope for many others whose light has been dimmed by the constant reminder that their blackness devalues their existence. It is through my very own BLACKNESS that I will remind many others like me that "THEIR DREAM MATTERS" (as articulated by Lupita)
Anyway, my initial intention of starting this blog was precisely to have folk journey with me on this whirlwind of self-discovery. I wanted to start a platform where I can write what I like and have people engage with me on my thoughts... to start and continue with some dialogues that sustains us as cohabitants of this marvelous earth. Most importantly, it is a platform that I wanted to create and join many others who have taken the task to change the narrative of their BLACKNESS.
I guess with every journey, one starts with rantings and self-inspection and then embark on that LOLIWE.
This blog will take many turns as with every journey... Some of the turns will be rantings and self-critical exploration of where we are as a BLACK RACE, then as COUNTRY, then as CONTINENT and then HUMAN RACE. These explorations will simply be explorations of where we are as a people and where we need to be, AS I SEE IT ( and have thoughts and sights challenged and molded with your help and engagements)
But at the other turns we will celebrate MY BLACKNESS. I will explore the stories of our triumph that I think are starting to sink deeper into the ocean of self-loathing. I want to use this platform to celebrate the leaps and bounds we have journeyed on and are stilling journeying on to impart in us a sense of pride and self-worth. I want to continue with your help with narrating the GREATNESS of OUR BLACKNESS.
Ths is mine and your platform (I will get better with navigating this technology) to just celebrate and push each other onto the trampolines that will propel us to achieve that ideal of AFRICAN RENAISSANCE.
This will mean calling each other out when we are tripping and affirming each other when we are soaring to greatness, as we often do but are blinded by our own self-loath and pity. We will affirm each other and really SHINE THE LIGHT OF OUR BLACKNESS....
I would like to introduce you to our BLACK FIRE ENTERPRISE....
Signing Out For Now
Karabo Lepote
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
WE ARE FUC**D, PERIOD!!!
Dear ANC
WE ARE FUC**D, PERIOD!!!
You see, this is one of those letters that one never envisions writing to you. I never really thought I would ever write this letter to you because to me you are more than just a political party. To me and many of my people you are father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a lover, husband and wife; and many more. To you and your endeavors, many of my people and yours who have given at least their time and most their lives for over a century, we still believe albeit with much skepticism of late.
You have come to flow in many a bloodstreams of your people. Your movement and ideals have become the very fiber of our existence. For a very long and short distant past you have become the only movement that we have looked up and have dedicated our voices to; and dared not look elsewhere for anything because you were and are (to some of us), all we ever needed.
Until recently (the past couple of years) I and many other South Africans have been debating whether to write this letter to you. You see, this letter and many others that will come (like many others that has come before) serves as nothing more than a SIGNAL. THESE LETTERS SERVE AS A WARNING, AS MUCH AS THEY BREAK OUR HEARTS TO WRITE THEM TO YOU. But we owe it to you to do so or else we would have failed you.
MY STORY GOES LIKE THIS:
I went to the police station today to certify my ID documents that are needed for the registration of my new company. (You see, I am an entrepreneur and have started a company of my own. This decision to start my own company is driven by many forces chief among being the fact that I know you have fought tooth and nail, and at times given up your people's lives to ensure A YOUNG, BLACK AND GIFTED man like myself can cease the day and advance the economic participation of me and my people (YOUR PEOPLE)). But what happened the police station today struck a cord and left me very SCARRRRRRREEEEEED. After the gentleman certified my copies and we exchanged great laughs and jokes indicative of our greatest CONSTITUTION, UBUNTU, I was left shivers of fear and despair, anger and self evaluation. An evaluation of self and my people and this great nation the creator bestowed on us.
This gentleman as I was about to leave, smilingly looked at me and said I must leave him with a pen as he has finished the ink in his signing my papers. My innocence at this statement was immediately stripped away as I now have come know what these statements are packed with. You see, an innocent me would have thought that I was being asked to donate a pen to the police station which I would have done without thinking twice. But the FUC**D ME knew that the day will come when I would have to 'compensate' our men and woman in uniform for certifying documents for me (a task that should be carried with honor because they know that their signatures ensure that we can do what we want to do to advance ourselves)
The experience I had today comes at no surprise to me because this has become a narrative that meanders in the corridors and passages of our South African society. We know stories of people that have to pay bribes to the nurses to dispense drugs that they (patients) need for survival of their lives. We always have to pay our civil servants to provide us with the basic services that our taxes afford us. (a double charge if you ask me). Patients are competing with drug lords to get medical drugs they need. Hospitals, police, and all honorable civil services are rife with corruption. THEY MOONLIGHT AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR PEOPLE AND YOUR PEOPLE.
We have warned you by taking to the streets in service protest. These protests have even at times turned violent. This violence was not fueled by our hatred to you, our country and our people. They have become violent because this is the tactic you used at times to fight against apartheid. You picked up arms when you needed to and marched to war against injustice of our people. We have also taken arms because we are fighting AGAINST INJUSTICE OF OUR PEOPLE. But this is still A WARNING. Like a battered wife, we are simply screaming to say stop abusing us. The day we say enough is enough, we will do one of two things, WE WILL LEAVE FOR THE OTHER PARTIES begging to adopt us. The other option that many of my people will do is that they will pick up arms and take to the streets in violence revolution. The last option, although I would not advocate for will turn up to be the only option that my people will find viable. You see, they do not see all these other options given to them and only regard you as the only body suited to govern them.The second they believe you don't have their best option at heart, without rehabilitation, they will want to govern themselves as yours is the only option they see. I HOPE FOR THE SAKE OF AVOIDING THE LATTER, YOU HAVE STARTED WITH YOUR ROBUST, SHARP AND QUICK REHABILITATION.
Like I said at the beginning of this letter, I never wanted to write it because a child should never tell his or her parents when they are falling through the cracks because our African culture warns us not to. But I am going to bite the bullet today and join many rebellious children our there THAT YOU NEED REHABILITATION OR ELSE WE ARE FUC**D, PERIOD.
In the last couple of years we have been witnessing abuse of power and state resources for the benifit of the few in society. We have been sitting on the sidelines and screaming at you to warn you. We have witnessed corruption be the order of the day within your corridors of SERVICE (NOT POWER). We have screamed so loud that some of us have retired from that scream. Some of our good men and women, have felt so powerless against fighting corruption withing your government administration that they have now joined the ranks of corruption. Good women and men have acculturated to this habit that rehabilitating them is going to require a major SIGNAL. (or lesson if you may)
To return your great men and women to the course that you have taken for the betterment of our society and people, you will have to send us A MAJOR SIGNAL and whisper to us CALM DOWN, I GOT THIS. This signal should send send shivers down our spines and nerves and remind us once again why we fell in-love with you. You need to remind us once again, why we had children with you, and why we married you, and why our fathers left our homes to fight with you, why our mothers were left to fend for us while daddy has gone to fight for our liberation. Remind us once more, we beg.
Remind us why even when we see the moral deterioration and utter disrespect from the civil servant we have asked you to manage, we still scream your praise and hold your course, resolutions and ideals as the torch of our hope. REMIND US ONCE AGAIN, WE BEG. REMIND US WHY WE LOVE YOU.
The only way you can remind me and many of millions of my people why you are still fighting our course would be to recall PRESIDENT JACOB ZUMA... Please recall him immediately. What has transpired with Nkandla is simply not a slap in our faces (and we have had many of those), it is blow and a kick to our guts. It is kick to the very core of who we are as a people of South Africa.
We know that this is not a Jacob Zuma issue. We accept that corruption has polarized our government structures to the very bottom of civil service. We know that fighting a culture is a mammoth task and a battle that will take every ounce of your energy. We know how hard this journey is going to be and how much it is going to cost you, but we are here and are equipped to take up our arms and go into battle with you. But before we can go into battle with you and make sacrifices our fathers and mothers made, we will need you to show us why we should do so....
Re-calling Honorable Jacob Zuma from office would SIGNAL to us that you are ready to take up the journey of REHABILITATING our movement and restoring it back to it's core of SERVICE to her people. We will know that you still mean it when you BATHO PELE. We will be remindeded why your people spilled their blood for our FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY.
As we celebrate 20 YEARS of that young child, DEMOCRACY, help us remember that you fought hard for her birth and you will fight for her to the very end. Don't let her vision and ideals be compromised by what we are seeing daily of our people in public service. REMIND EVERYONE IN PUBLIC SERVICE THAT YOU WILL FIGHT FOR OUR PEOPLE WITHOUT DETERRENCE ESPECIALLY FROM RAMPANT CORRUPTION IN GOVERNMENT.
REMIND US ONCE AGAIN, WE BEG, BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT IF YOU DON'T, WE ARE FUC**D...
Kind Regards,
Ngwana Wa Bo Lona...
WE ARE FUC**D, PERIOD!!!
You see, this is one of those letters that one never envisions writing to you. I never really thought I would ever write this letter to you because to me you are more than just a political party. To me and many of my people you are father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a lover, husband and wife; and many more. To you and your endeavors, many of my people and yours who have given at least their time and most their lives for over a century, we still believe albeit with much skepticism of late.
You have come to flow in many a bloodstreams of your people. Your movement and ideals have become the very fiber of our existence. For a very long and short distant past you have become the only movement that we have looked up and have dedicated our voices to; and dared not look elsewhere for anything because you were and are (to some of us), all we ever needed.
Until recently (the past couple of years) I and many other South Africans have been debating whether to write this letter to you. You see, this letter and many others that will come (like many others that has come before) serves as nothing more than a SIGNAL. THESE LETTERS SERVE AS A WARNING, AS MUCH AS THEY BREAK OUR HEARTS TO WRITE THEM TO YOU. But we owe it to you to do so or else we would have failed you.
MY STORY GOES LIKE THIS:
I went to the police station today to certify my ID documents that are needed for the registration of my new company. (You see, I am an entrepreneur and have started a company of my own. This decision to start my own company is driven by many forces chief among being the fact that I know you have fought tooth and nail, and at times given up your people's lives to ensure A YOUNG, BLACK AND GIFTED man like myself can cease the day and advance the economic participation of me and my people (YOUR PEOPLE)). But what happened the police station today struck a cord and left me very SCARRRRRRREEEEEED. After the gentleman certified my copies and we exchanged great laughs and jokes indicative of our greatest CONSTITUTION, UBUNTU, I was left shivers of fear and despair, anger and self evaluation. An evaluation of self and my people and this great nation the creator bestowed on us.
This gentleman as I was about to leave, smilingly looked at me and said I must leave him with a pen as he has finished the ink in his signing my papers. My innocence at this statement was immediately stripped away as I now have come know what these statements are packed with. You see, an innocent me would have thought that I was being asked to donate a pen to the police station which I would have done without thinking twice. But the FUC**D ME knew that the day will come when I would have to 'compensate' our men and woman in uniform for certifying documents for me (a task that should be carried with honor because they know that their signatures ensure that we can do what we want to do to advance ourselves)
The experience I had today comes at no surprise to me because this has become a narrative that meanders in the corridors and passages of our South African society. We know stories of people that have to pay bribes to the nurses to dispense drugs that they (patients) need for survival of their lives. We always have to pay our civil servants to provide us with the basic services that our taxes afford us. (a double charge if you ask me). Patients are competing with drug lords to get medical drugs they need. Hospitals, police, and all honorable civil services are rife with corruption. THEY MOONLIGHT AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR PEOPLE AND YOUR PEOPLE.
We have warned you by taking to the streets in service protest. These protests have even at times turned violent. This violence was not fueled by our hatred to you, our country and our people. They have become violent because this is the tactic you used at times to fight against apartheid. You picked up arms when you needed to and marched to war against injustice of our people. We have also taken arms because we are fighting AGAINST INJUSTICE OF OUR PEOPLE. But this is still A WARNING. Like a battered wife, we are simply screaming to say stop abusing us. The day we say enough is enough, we will do one of two things, WE WILL LEAVE FOR THE OTHER PARTIES begging to adopt us. The other option that many of my people will do is that they will pick up arms and take to the streets in violence revolution. The last option, although I would not advocate for will turn up to be the only option that my people will find viable. You see, they do not see all these other options given to them and only regard you as the only body suited to govern them.The second they believe you don't have their best option at heart, without rehabilitation, they will want to govern themselves as yours is the only option they see. I HOPE FOR THE SAKE OF AVOIDING THE LATTER, YOU HAVE STARTED WITH YOUR ROBUST, SHARP AND QUICK REHABILITATION.
Like I said at the beginning of this letter, I never wanted to write it because a child should never tell his or her parents when they are falling through the cracks because our African culture warns us not to. But I am going to bite the bullet today and join many rebellious children our there THAT YOU NEED REHABILITATION OR ELSE WE ARE FUC**D, PERIOD.
In the last couple of years we have been witnessing abuse of power and state resources for the benifit of the few in society. We have been sitting on the sidelines and screaming at you to warn you. We have witnessed corruption be the order of the day within your corridors of SERVICE (NOT POWER). We have screamed so loud that some of us have retired from that scream. Some of our good men and women, have felt so powerless against fighting corruption withing your government administration that they have now joined the ranks of corruption. Good women and men have acculturated to this habit that rehabilitating them is going to require a major SIGNAL. (or lesson if you may)
To return your great men and women to the course that you have taken for the betterment of our society and people, you will have to send us A MAJOR SIGNAL and whisper to us CALM DOWN, I GOT THIS. This signal should send send shivers down our spines and nerves and remind us once again why we fell in-love with you. You need to remind us once again, why we had children with you, and why we married you, and why our fathers left our homes to fight with you, why our mothers were left to fend for us while daddy has gone to fight for our liberation. Remind us once more, we beg.
Remind us why even when we see the moral deterioration and utter disrespect from the civil servant we have asked you to manage, we still scream your praise and hold your course, resolutions and ideals as the torch of our hope. REMIND US ONCE AGAIN, WE BEG. REMIND US WHY WE LOVE YOU.
The only way you can remind me and many of millions of my people why you are still fighting our course would be to recall PRESIDENT JACOB ZUMA... Please recall him immediately. What has transpired with Nkandla is simply not a slap in our faces (and we have had many of those), it is blow and a kick to our guts. It is kick to the very core of who we are as a people of South Africa.
We know that this is not a Jacob Zuma issue. We accept that corruption has polarized our government structures to the very bottom of civil service. We know that fighting a culture is a mammoth task and a battle that will take every ounce of your energy. We know how hard this journey is going to be and how much it is going to cost you, but we are here and are equipped to take up our arms and go into battle with you. But before we can go into battle with you and make sacrifices our fathers and mothers made, we will need you to show us why we should do so....
Re-calling Honorable Jacob Zuma from office would SIGNAL to us that you are ready to take up the journey of REHABILITATING our movement and restoring it back to it's core of SERVICE to her people. We will know that you still mean it when you BATHO PELE. We will be remindeded why your people spilled their blood for our FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY.
As we celebrate 20 YEARS of that young child, DEMOCRACY, help us remember that you fought hard for her birth and you will fight for her to the very end. Don't let her vision and ideals be compromised by what we are seeing daily of our people in public service. REMIND EVERYONE IN PUBLIC SERVICE THAT YOU WILL FIGHT FOR OUR PEOPLE WITHOUT DETERRENCE ESPECIALLY FROM RAMPANT CORRUPTION IN GOVERNMENT.
REMIND US ONCE AGAIN, WE BEG, BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT IF YOU DON'T, WE ARE FUC**D...
Kind Regards,
Ngwana Wa Bo Lona...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Shame on Us South Africa...Shame on Us
I am utterly disgusted at how we have let things be in this country. After such a long struggle with one system of oppression, we seem to be at the edge of building another one. We as South African's, at the hands of the "leaders" we have elected into power, have seemingly let ourselves become a state that is on a free-sliding slippery slope. We are sliding into a state of utter dysfunction as one speaker has so poignantly stated.
On one hand we are building a nation whose resources seem are shared among the few elite groups and none to the people whose hands have worked tirelessly to build them. On the other hand, we seem to be quite OK with the way our "lady justice" has been raped...
The first point relates to the fact that on a daily basis the gap between the rich and the poor seem to be increasing at an alarming rate. The poor are getting poorer and richer getting richer. I am no proponent of Karl Max but I wonder if he had an important point to make when refuting the capitalist system of the day and predicting its demise.
CEO's of companies are getting fat bonuses for a job well done, and this job well done entails retrenching staff in thousands to cut cost... So this is where we are at, Let's pay this fat bastard a R10 million bonus because he managed to fire people to cut costs for us...That is our picture South African.
Our parastatals change CEO's faster than I change my underwear, and here is another appalling picture, we give them a golden handshake for inefficiency and squandering tax payers resources. Meanwhile people are going to bed on empty stomach's and more retrenched due to this corporates malpractices.
We build bridges to make way for the rich to travel without hindrance, but fail to put a roof over the poor's toilet, let alone building them proper shelters. We built useless toll gates instead of creating infrastructure in townships so that people don't have travel far for jobs.
Our priorities seem to be at best stupid and at their worst fucked up. Come on...
On the other hand, we are dingling our short digs and raping "lady justice" in full view. We have no shame that our justice system is at the helm of collapse and dysfunction.
Shabir Sheik...let me not even waste my time on this one...
But I would like to paint a picture at our own injustice... If I go and rob a bank for a couple of thousands so that I can take my kids to government schools ( with their 15th grade education system) and feed my family with whats left, I will be seen as a menace to society and thus needing the guillotine. But let some government official steal billions of our hard earned tax ( that needs to be distributed to the poor) they get a pat on the hand and are sent marching back into society to steal some more...
Problem: We are slowly building a society that is biased towards the rich and famous at the expense of the poor and the working class. We are creating a divided society prevalent in Karl Max's philosophical writings. A society of a few rich elites and multitudes of starving paupers.
This is a very fragile society we are building for God knows that there is nothing more dangerous than a starving man, whose dignity has been stripped by poverty. The society we are building is one that Max concluded that it will bring with it revolutions where the working class will say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!
I concur with Moeletsi Mbeki when he predicts that by 2020 South African will have it's Tunisia Day and I say, Moeletsi maybe you stretched the due date a little more than you should have...I give a lot less time than that. This will be the period when all of us watching with disgust and no action would say: WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS. This would be the time when us with no private jets would not be able to flee the country and we'll be left to clean their mess.
I say South Africa, let's avoid this more dramatic revolution and start a subtle one by now demanding what we voted for. A just and equal society...where all men are equal before the law and no one is beyond reproach...
THE STRUGGLE MUST END!!! LETS BUILD OUR FUTURE BACK...
On one hand we are building a nation whose resources seem are shared among the few elite groups and none to the people whose hands have worked tirelessly to build them. On the other hand, we seem to be quite OK with the way our "lady justice" has been raped...
The first point relates to the fact that on a daily basis the gap between the rich and the poor seem to be increasing at an alarming rate. The poor are getting poorer and richer getting richer. I am no proponent of Karl Max but I wonder if he had an important point to make when refuting the capitalist system of the day and predicting its demise.
CEO's of companies are getting fat bonuses for a job well done, and this job well done entails retrenching staff in thousands to cut cost... So this is where we are at, Let's pay this fat bastard a R10 million bonus because he managed to fire people to cut costs for us...That is our picture South African.
Our parastatals change CEO's faster than I change my underwear, and here is another appalling picture, we give them a golden handshake for inefficiency and squandering tax payers resources. Meanwhile people are going to bed on empty stomach's and more retrenched due to this corporates malpractices.
We build bridges to make way for the rich to travel without hindrance, but fail to put a roof over the poor's toilet, let alone building them proper shelters. We built useless toll gates instead of creating infrastructure in townships so that people don't have travel far for jobs.
Our priorities seem to be at best stupid and at their worst fucked up. Come on...
On the other hand, we are dingling our short digs and raping "lady justice" in full view. We have no shame that our justice system is at the helm of collapse and dysfunction.
Shabir Sheik...let me not even waste my time on this one...
But I would like to paint a picture at our own injustice... If I go and rob a bank for a couple of thousands so that I can take my kids to government schools ( with their 15th grade education system) and feed my family with whats left, I will be seen as a menace to society and thus needing the guillotine. But let some government official steal billions of our hard earned tax ( that needs to be distributed to the poor) they get a pat on the hand and are sent marching back into society to steal some more...
Problem: We are slowly building a society that is biased towards the rich and famous at the expense of the poor and the working class. We are creating a divided society prevalent in Karl Max's philosophical writings. A society of a few rich elites and multitudes of starving paupers.
This is a very fragile society we are building for God knows that there is nothing more dangerous than a starving man, whose dignity has been stripped by poverty. The society we are building is one that Max concluded that it will bring with it revolutions where the working class will say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!
I concur with Moeletsi Mbeki when he predicts that by 2020 South African will have it's Tunisia Day and I say, Moeletsi maybe you stretched the due date a little more than you should have...I give a lot less time than that. This will be the period when all of us watching with disgust and no action would say: WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS. This would be the time when us with no private jets would not be able to flee the country and we'll be left to clean their mess.
I say South Africa, let's avoid this more dramatic revolution and start a subtle one by now demanding what we voted for. A just and equal society...where all men are equal before the law and no one is beyond reproach...
THE STRUGGLE MUST END!!! LETS BUILD OUR FUTURE BACK...
Monday, January 24, 2011
JUST LET GO!!!!!!!!
I try as much as possible not to make my life a public entity but sometimes the best cure for most of our issues is to simply share knowing very well that someone out there will benefit from your experiences of life as you go on. The recent turn of events in my life have left even me, the eternal optimist speechless, humbled and filled with a gracious and thankfull heart.
2010 had it's fair share of dramas, lessons and but most importantly it taught me so much about myself. It reinforced my absolute belief in the working hand of God in my life and reinforced my knowledge of His underlying love.
The year was marked by loss after loss, life spiraling out of control and emotional turmoil only dealth with by heavily acredited shrinks. In just one year I saw life as I have known it go from good to bad to worse and jump straight to great, all in a small period of time. What time did I have to deal with the emotions that come with all of these.
Towars the end of last year, the only thing between me and my rock bottom, was a little faith that someday it will all make sense. After filling buckets with tears, countless couch sessions with shrink, self-destructing behaviour, I was hanging on only by a threat of hope that there is a God out there and somehow He was looking down on me with a heart of grace and a willing hand. I spent countless hours in prayer, wishing that it can all go away. Felt like God had taken everything away from me. Relationships ended, friends departed and everyone looked like a curious bystander.
( I am trying very hard not to divulge or give the description of my situation. No amount of words can ever describe it all perfectly). Dealing with loss in all areas of one's life is not an easy task but one that is worthwhile.
I had a life changing conversation with a friend that made me realise that sometimes loss can represent gain in such a profound way. We sometimes hold on to things, tightly with both hands and never really let go so that we can receive. We limit the power of God's provision with our inability to let go.
As I tried to hold on to everything, I lost so much energy that I had no choice but to let go....I LET GO AND LET GOD....I LET GO AND LET GOD. The best decision of my life. When you let go and let God, you allow yourself to be free and be on the receiving end of His love, grace and blessings.
After all this, His hand became evident to me in such a profound manner. My best friend quit a job that will become mine in just a few weeks of his departure. I got blessed with great friends in my life and restored the friendships I had neglected. Got blessed with a wonderfull relationship, after battling with a loss of another...It took me years of bad decisions and wrong choices to "destroy my life" and only took God a few months restore all.
I have no idea why I feel so compelled to write this blog...Nothing I am saying here seems coherent to me and I am not sure if I am making sense but one thing I would want you to walk away with here is this...LETTING GO IS THE HARDEST THING FOR A HUMAN BEING TO DO, BUT IT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE BEST THING FOR YOU.
When letting go, you give God a chance to work in your life. To manifest all the great things He has promised. Letting go can be the greatest way to gain it all back and even more. OK...Just Let Go
I hope you got me...Just Let Go.
2010 had it's fair share of dramas, lessons and but most importantly it taught me so much about myself. It reinforced my absolute belief in the working hand of God in my life and reinforced my knowledge of His underlying love.
The year was marked by loss after loss, life spiraling out of control and emotional turmoil only dealth with by heavily acredited shrinks. In just one year I saw life as I have known it go from good to bad to worse and jump straight to great, all in a small period of time. What time did I have to deal with the emotions that come with all of these.
Towars the end of last year, the only thing between me and my rock bottom, was a little faith that someday it will all make sense. After filling buckets with tears, countless couch sessions with shrink, self-destructing behaviour, I was hanging on only by a threat of hope that there is a God out there and somehow He was looking down on me with a heart of grace and a willing hand. I spent countless hours in prayer, wishing that it can all go away. Felt like God had taken everything away from me. Relationships ended, friends departed and everyone looked like a curious bystander.
( I am trying very hard not to divulge or give the description of my situation. No amount of words can ever describe it all perfectly). Dealing with loss in all areas of one's life is not an easy task but one that is worthwhile.
I had a life changing conversation with a friend that made me realise that sometimes loss can represent gain in such a profound way. We sometimes hold on to things, tightly with both hands and never really let go so that we can receive. We limit the power of God's provision with our inability to let go.
As I tried to hold on to everything, I lost so much energy that I had no choice but to let go....I LET GO AND LET GOD....I LET GO AND LET GOD. The best decision of my life. When you let go and let God, you allow yourself to be free and be on the receiving end of His love, grace and blessings.
After all this, His hand became evident to me in such a profound manner. My best friend quit a job that will become mine in just a few weeks of his departure. I got blessed with great friends in my life and restored the friendships I had neglected. Got blessed with a wonderfull relationship, after battling with a loss of another...It took me years of bad decisions and wrong choices to "destroy my life" and only took God a few months restore all.
I have no idea why I feel so compelled to write this blog...Nothing I am saying here seems coherent to me and I am not sure if I am making sense but one thing I would want you to walk away with here is this...LETTING GO IS THE HARDEST THING FOR A HUMAN BEING TO DO, BUT IT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE BEST THING FOR YOU.
When letting go, you give God a chance to work in your life. To manifest all the great things He has promised. Letting go can be the greatest way to gain it all back and even more. OK...Just Let Go
I hope you got me...Just Let Go.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The State Of Stupidity...
As I was writing my exam today, I realised that as a people we have become incredibly stupid or rather too reliant on technology and quite frankly, I started asking myself too many questions about our state of stupidity...
Years ago I went to Dion Chang's seminar and he was talking about "the state we are in". Without going too much into details, he basically analysed our reliance and constant need for tecchnology and how this has made us "stupid".
With a click of a button we can simply get the answer we are looking for and more. With google,Wikkie and all these fancy site, one does not really need to know and remember everything when you have access to them. and the fact that we can now simply BBM the experts without any cost on our side, we don't really have to dig for the truth and knowledge.
What technology was suppose to do, it has done and in the process taken our inner need to know. I am reminded at how easy it was for me to do my work during the semester because all I need was to type the question in the google bar and I will have some brainiac out there give me all the answers, and writing my exam today, I realised that brainiac forgot to tell me that I should know this answer and more strongly, I should try to remember and recall it when needed.
This may sound like irresponsibility on my part, but I ask how much of your brain do you use these days; to analyse, ask probing questions and finally come to a well researched conclusion that will form the basis of your knowledge. Frankly, the truth abiding self in you, will remind you that you never think these days because the need to think has been taken over by technology. We have simply become the medium of data transfer.
This is even scarier because we don't even have time for quite contemplation and small thought. That period is gone when one had time to think about something before they can respond to questions or comment on something. Now when you read the news, the first instinct is to comment on what is being reported without even thinking about it.
While at Dion's talk, one of the things I came to realise is that technology no matter how great it is, has made the human race very lazy and unthoughtfull. We hardly even have time alone with our thoughts, because if you are not busy googling, you are are responding to endless emails, texts, fb messages, or simply commenting about Britney Spear's PuJUjU...
We are forver busy with information and never have time to process that information, analyse and quetsion it's authenticity.
I miss the days of reading a book and getting absorbed in the story, use my mind to create pictures and spark my creativity. I miss the days of sitting under the tree with your one litre bottle of coke and simply listening to the sound of my breath if not the humming birds and singing "gogoitjies".
I miss the time when responding to something meant taking pen in your hand, pulling out a piece of paper, then writing your responce, knowing full well that after you have written it, you would have had time to think about it and re-draft your response.
I miss the time when I missed people in my life and when I saw them, I had something to say and we had so much to catch up on. the mystery and intrigue of getting to find out what they have been up to and which direction they have been taking. I miss the time when I did not need to constantly answer to everyone because I was out of reach.
But most importantly, I miss the time when I was alone with my body, mind and spirit, and we were all in one accord and in the same space, because none of us was responding to the everyday demands imposed on by societal need to know about you constantly or your need to probe.
P.S. I am not in any way trying to down-play the conveniences that technology has brought to my life and billions of other people, I am simply weeping for the time when I felt in control of the information that I absorbed...but then again I have the responsibility to sit back and not constantly be in "the know all".
Years ago I went to Dion Chang's seminar and he was talking about "the state we are in". Without going too much into details, he basically analysed our reliance and constant need for tecchnology and how this has made us "stupid".
With a click of a button we can simply get the answer we are looking for and more. With google,Wikkie and all these fancy site, one does not really need to know and remember everything when you have access to them. and the fact that we can now simply BBM the experts without any cost on our side, we don't really have to dig for the truth and knowledge.
What technology was suppose to do, it has done and in the process taken our inner need to know. I am reminded at how easy it was for me to do my work during the semester because all I need was to type the question in the google bar and I will have some brainiac out there give me all the answers, and writing my exam today, I realised that brainiac forgot to tell me that I should know this answer and more strongly, I should try to remember and recall it when needed.
This may sound like irresponsibility on my part, but I ask how much of your brain do you use these days; to analyse, ask probing questions and finally come to a well researched conclusion that will form the basis of your knowledge. Frankly, the truth abiding self in you, will remind you that you never think these days because the need to think has been taken over by technology. We have simply become the medium of data transfer.
This is even scarier because we don't even have time for quite contemplation and small thought. That period is gone when one had time to think about something before they can respond to questions or comment on something. Now when you read the news, the first instinct is to comment on what is being reported without even thinking about it.
While at Dion's talk, one of the things I came to realise is that technology no matter how great it is, has made the human race very lazy and unthoughtfull. We hardly even have time alone with our thoughts, because if you are not busy googling, you are are responding to endless emails, texts, fb messages, or simply commenting about Britney Spear's PuJUjU...
We are forver busy with information and never have time to process that information, analyse and quetsion it's authenticity.
I miss the days of reading a book and getting absorbed in the story, use my mind to create pictures and spark my creativity. I miss the days of sitting under the tree with your one litre bottle of coke and simply listening to the sound of my breath if not the humming birds and singing "gogoitjies".
I miss the time when responding to something meant taking pen in your hand, pulling out a piece of paper, then writing your responce, knowing full well that after you have written it, you would have had time to think about it and re-draft your response.
I miss the time when I missed people in my life and when I saw them, I had something to say and we had so much to catch up on. the mystery and intrigue of getting to find out what they have been up to and which direction they have been taking. I miss the time when I did not need to constantly answer to everyone because I was out of reach.
But most importantly, I miss the time when I was alone with my body, mind and spirit, and we were all in one accord and in the same space, because none of us was responding to the everyday demands imposed on by societal need to know about you constantly or your need to probe.
P.S. I am not in any way trying to down-play the conveniences that technology has brought to my life and billions of other people, I am simply weeping for the time when I felt in control of the information that I absorbed...but then again I have the responsibility to sit back and not constantly be in "the know all".
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
CAN ALL THAT GLITTER BECOME GOLD ALREADY!!!!
I just checked deGorgeous's fabulosa blog and of course he is always the bearer of all thing glitter and Joburg Fashion Weeks promises to be exactly that. If the pictorial campaign and video promo are anything to go by, this year promises to be one for the records or at least that's how it has been positioned. Having been to more fashion weeks in this country than I have visited the dentist I thought I should voice my concerns and bitch a little.
I know I moan and groan more often than I should and quite frankly do think my opinion should be the only one that counts ( on my blog at least). I have a couple of problems that I have battled to deal with, and since I can't talk to my shrink about my issues with all these fashion weeks and the state we are in, as South African fashion industry, I though maybe this would be a perfect opportunity. Here is my list, in no particular order... and if you can answer me or share some knowledge, please do so remembering that an opinion is like an ass and we all have one.
I know I moan and groan more often than I should and quite frankly do think my opinion should be the only one that counts ( on my blog at least). I have a couple of problems that I have battled to deal with, and since I can't talk to my shrink about my issues with all these fashion weeks and the state we are in, as South African fashion industry, I though maybe this would be a perfect opportunity. Here is my list, in no particular order... and if you can answer me or share some knowledge, please do so remembering that an opinion is like an ass and we all have one.
- Issue number one, when all this parading ends after three days of air kissing, sipping champagne and speaking Prada or David, where does it all start with the business of fashion. I always get so puzzled that so many talented designers work their butts off just to show at fashion week and hardly make ends meet trading their craft. Who exactly should we attribute this little phenomenon to? Is it the lack of business acumen on their part or is because South African market is unwilling to support this industry?
- Secondly, I have massive issues with the crowds that are attracted at these fashion weeks. Young little pretty things, with R20 in their bank balance and no intention or means to buy the fashion. Yes, you know them. they are cute little things and wear the most craziest of outfits but quite frankly can't afford to buy the clothes that are showcased at fashion week. They hog the front row and seem to get all the best tickets and invites that should be given to Corporate South Africa, who by virtue of their bank balances come to Fashion Weeks to see what they can buy and not what they can gossip about. How many of those corporate junkies go overseas to do their shopping and they never get invited to these fashion weeks, and don't you dare tell me it's because they don't want to. Let me bring a friend, unknown in this interesting but stupid circle and they will hardly be given a seat, when in actual fact they have more potential to either buy or invest in this industry.
- How many of our designer have a client database of unknown people in corporate but have a huge database of celebrities who don't even buy the clothes. The most frustrating thing is when you have to order the clothes from these fabulous designer and you are paying with your hard earned money but you get your clothes late because some pretty young bimbo on tv has an award ceremony to go to and they, of course get first preference.
- Then comes the other issue that irks me from the core, designers who come to showcase some last season Milan Fashion Week or the likes, are we so starved for creativity or are we simply trying to jump on the bandwagon that 'Africa is a dumping zone so let's just dump our crap there'. Quite frankly, my knowledge of fashion is as bleak as my experimentation with quantum physics, but there is only a handful of designers who have and continues to stand out because they break the boundaries and are merely not victims of Parisian/Western dictates.
- With these fashion weeks, come the discussion forums where they would discuss forming the South African Fashion Council or something remotely similar, but are they decisive enough to actually bring it to fruition. Every FW, you hear the same moaning and bickering but no one is actually taking the lead.
- I sometimes wonder if this industry is sustainable and if it will ever get off the ground and what exactly is needed to achieve that. with so much unprofessional behaviour and a sense of entitlement, I will not be holding my breath.
- The last one I went to, some old lady had bought tickets and was taking her family to one of the shows to find out that it was delayed by three hours and that meant she had to spend more money to entertain her entourage before she can view the show.
I know that most of you reading this will think that my observations are without foundation and merit but I dare you to ask and talk to most of the designers and you will be surprised to see that all the glitter is not gold and that rusty goose ain't laying a golden egg anytime soon.
I am going to make my way to Fashion Week and I pray to God that the advertising campaign is not selling me a gold plated rusty nickel...
Please wow us, not so that we can be proud of you and your talent but so that we can be compelled to buy your stuff...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Zille is on crack...Period
Ok the by-laws on liquor...what BS is that? I am a one to ask that there should exist some kind of control on the liqour usage in this country but I think the policy makers in Zille-ville are on crack and have a dealer on speed dial, thats the only explanation I can give for not allowing us non-crackers for drinking our hard earned money past 2 am and before 11am in the morning in restuarants and bars...
These are simple implications for me, a hard working civilian. The restriction on simply enjoying friendhsip bonding between pints of beer, listening to some cool music and dancing the night away. I am quick to point out that the only way I seem not to be consumed by all kinds of rubbish prevalent in this city is when I am pissed out of my mind in the city.
The social implications are also just as crappy, dancing and hanging out with folks is by far the best past time for most working class community. We take this time as seriously as we do voting. I can bet that some will go and vote her out simply because she has taken their favourite let-me -hang-lose time from them.
At 4am in the morning, any waiter will tell you ( and I know this because I was one for four days) that I tip very well in that case. If someone can wait on me untill that time, they surely deserve more than a handshake...Implication: waiters might as well forget about their careers and go ask for social welfare because they won't be making any more money...
Now let me get to the fat-bellied owner of the bar who has a Cliffton mansion to maintain and a fleet of expensive cars: he also has a right to my money to maintain the 21 year old girl whose name he can't remember. He has the right to squezzeeeeee me dry untill I make a nuisance of myself and start dancing on the table. THAT FAT MAN HAS A RIGHT ZILLE AND HE WON'T BE VOTING FOR YOU ANYMORE....instead he will be voting for Malema to be the new political head in the city. Because unlike you, Malema would not only get rid of these BS by-laws, he will be throwing lavish parties in these establishment and telling the neighbours that they are "Bloody Agents" if they complain...
If I am still not making sense, which I never do because before 11am I am forced to drink out of my flask and therefore end up binging, I am simply saying Zille is hanging herself this time. We forgave her for the roof-less toilets, because we were too tired of un-released crap. We forgave for ridding the city of the street people who provided us crack heads with pot and tik, simply bacause we realised a simple phone call will provide us with a months supply and hance bulk pruchasing...We even forgave her for her marriage to 'phuza-face' De Lille, but this is one thing we are not going to forgive her for....THE RIGHT TO RUIN OUR LIVES AND DRINK AS MUCH AS WE CAN...OUR RIGHT TO JUMP ON TOP OF A TABLE AND DO A PARIS HILTON WITHOUT OUR NICKERS ON...
I WILL TAKE THIS TO THE STREET MADAM ZILLE, IF BEING IN ZILLE-VILLE MEANS I HAVE TO BE SOBER AT ALL TIME.
and then she has the nerve to tell us the ANC is pushing a communist agenda, who s being a communist now, Zillicious? dictating how I should waste the peanuts you pay me....NXA MAAAAN
These are simple implications for me, a hard working civilian. The restriction on simply enjoying friendhsip bonding between pints of beer, listening to some cool music and dancing the night away. I am quick to point out that the only way I seem not to be consumed by all kinds of rubbish prevalent in this city is when I am pissed out of my mind in the city.
The social implications are also just as crappy, dancing and hanging out with folks is by far the best past time for most working class community. We take this time as seriously as we do voting. I can bet that some will go and vote her out simply because she has taken their favourite let-me -hang-lose time from them.
At 4am in the morning, any waiter will tell you ( and I know this because I was one for four days) that I tip very well in that case. If someone can wait on me untill that time, they surely deserve more than a handshake...Implication: waiters might as well forget about their careers and go ask for social welfare because they won't be making any more money...
Now let me get to the fat-bellied owner of the bar who has a Cliffton mansion to maintain and a fleet of expensive cars: he also has a right to my money to maintain the 21 year old girl whose name he can't remember. He has the right to squezzeeeeee me dry untill I make a nuisance of myself and start dancing on the table. THAT FAT MAN HAS A RIGHT ZILLE AND HE WON'T BE VOTING FOR YOU ANYMORE....instead he will be voting for Malema to be the new political head in the city. Because unlike you, Malema would not only get rid of these BS by-laws, he will be throwing lavish parties in these establishment and telling the neighbours that they are "Bloody Agents" if they complain...
If I am still not making sense, which I never do because before 11am I am forced to drink out of my flask and therefore end up binging, I am simply saying Zille is hanging herself this time. We forgave her for the roof-less toilets, because we were too tired of un-released crap. We forgave for ridding the city of the street people who provided us crack heads with pot and tik, simply bacause we realised a simple phone call will provide us with a months supply and hance bulk pruchasing...We even forgave her for her marriage to 'phuza-face' De Lille, but this is one thing we are not going to forgive her for....THE RIGHT TO RUIN OUR LIVES AND DRINK AS MUCH AS WE CAN...OUR RIGHT TO JUMP ON TOP OF A TABLE AND DO A PARIS HILTON WITHOUT OUR NICKERS ON...
I WILL TAKE THIS TO THE STREET MADAM ZILLE, IF BEING IN ZILLE-VILLE MEANS I HAVE TO BE SOBER AT ALL TIME.
and then she has the nerve to tell us the ANC is pushing a communist agenda, who s being a communist now, Zillicious? dictating how I should waste the peanuts you pay me....NXA MAAAAN
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Countdown has begun
Its that time of the year when one has a lot of time on their hands...A body I have been working hard at for the whole year can now be paraded at the beach and long street... Reading a book or two from cover to cover in a couple of days...Enjoying cocktails in a company of great friends with no worry in the world except where I am going for drinks and and what I am wearing at the summer hot spot..
The are all the things that we seem to do every festive summer holiday, of course for some with an occasional summer love. But then the 31st approaches with the promise of great parties, endless binging and the hope of that magical kiss at tick of Midnight.
But stands out about this time besides the happy-go-round-partying, is the reflection on the year the seem to be on everyone minds. I started mine with a list only existant in my mind and it included quiting smoiking, writting more and the general quitting of bad habits. The it dawned on me that the reason I went into a mini depression about September was because the whole I did not live up to all the endless goals I had set up for myself. I had made so many of them that by the time I got to the half year I realised that none of them had come to fruition.
The I started a simple list that I knew that I will definately achieve. This list was so easy that I did not need to apply any form of scientific calculations and myriad experiements to know how to get to the other side.
I simply made a promise to myself to be happy...no matter how that came about, my simple New Year's resolution was to be happy and a little kinder to myself. This include not running after poeple and things that seem to care more about themselves than me. Not putting myself in harms way. Doing things at my pace and trying not to impress everyone. Letting myeself become me and simply enjoy eac day as it come.
As the year nears it's demise, I seem to come closer to my happiness. Even in small things I seem to be at the door of absolute joy and I hope that I can always remember the simple formula...TO BE KIND TO MYSELF WITHOU COMPROMISE...
Happy New Year and May Your Wishes Come True...
The are all the things that we seem to do every festive summer holiday, of course for some with an occasional summer love. But then the 31st approaches with the promise of great parties, endless binging and the hope of that magical kiss at tick of Midnight.
But stands out about this time besides the happy-go-round-partying, is the reflection on the year the seem to be on everyone minds. I started mine with a list only existant in my mind and it included quiting smoiking, writting more and the general quitting of bad habits. The it dawned on me that the reason I went into a mini depression about September was because the whole I did not live up to all the endless goals I had set up for myself. I had made so many of them that by the time I got to the half year I realised that none of them had come to fruition.
The I started a simple list that I knew that I will definately achieve. This list was so easy that I did not need to apply any form of scientific calculations and myriad experiements to know how to get to the other side.
I simply made a promise to myself to be happy...no matter how that came about, my simple New Year's resolution was to be happy and a little kinder to myself. This include not running after poeple and things that seem to care more about themselves than me. Not putting myself in harms way. Doing things at my pace and trying not to impress everyone. Letting myeself become me and simply enjoy eac day as it come.
As the year nears it's demise, I seem to come closer to my happiness. Even in small things I seem to be at the door of absolute joy and I hope that I can always remember the simple formula...TO BE KIND TO MYSELF WITHOU COMPROMISE...
Happy New Year and May Your Wishes Come True...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The Return To First Love
When I first had this title, the only thing that came to mind was Danielle Steel's romance novel and little did I know that it could be one of the best book to ever cross my path. It was written by Marriane Williamson and she has been qouted even by the likes of Nelson Mandela...I am not not repeat the famous qoute here because I think everyone should know it by now.
But the title hit another nerve last night when I was dragged into one of those conversations. A friend called me and out of the blue asked me if I think he loves himself; and knowing that I am one to be honest, I simply said no. My explanation for my blunt take on the question was: if you loved yourself, you will never put yourself in harms way and do the things that bring misery and hurt into your life. He argued back and said "that drama always follows me wherever I go" and I was quick to point out that drama never follows us, we simply invite it and bring it to ourselves.
Although this was not about me, after I hung the phone it dawned on me that I was saying all these to him and not realising that I should be saying the same things to myself. I started a minute journey into my past and realised all the things that I had come accross, the dramas, the fights, the miseries and heartbreaks and headaches; and realised that about eighty percent of them were simply unneccesary and had I loved myself enough I would not have allowed these into my life.
I realised that for the longest time, I had put my life on a very thin threat that could break at any point simply because I cared very little about me and more about other people. Some of the decisions I made were there to support other dreams not mine.
Going back to that qoute I promised not to mention, I realised that "I let my light go out so that other's can shine". I belittled myself so that others could appear gigantic.
I spent the last five to six years of my life trying to get affirmation from other people. and could stop at nothing to get it and the smallest of these "affirmations" could send chills down my spine. The very thought that someone thinks I am hot, made me intoxicated with affection and I regretably would let them "get away with murder".
Twenty Ten with its challenges and strangely enough heartbreaks, presented me an opportunity to sit back and reflect on this long history of self-love or the lack of. It came to me when friends started spending less time with me. When loved ones seemingly turned a blind eye to my challenges that the root of everything was not with other people but myself. The root of all my problems and unhappiness was with "First Love".
After all the ranting I would like to just take a few more lines of your time and share with you my little but possibly life-changing discovery.
I started looking for answers about who I was and what I wanted out of life and one simple answer came to me and put a lot of things in perspective. I remembered a scripture in Genesis 1:26 where God says" Let us make man in our image so that he can be like us". Boom right there, I had my Oprah's light bulb moment.
That God in His greatness and groly...rolled up His sleeves and made man...He did not speak man into being like He did with all the other creatures, but He said His plan and went down to create man. Over and above that, He said I will make him/her into my image so that he can and should be like Him.
Now it goes further and says "So that he can have authority over the earth and everything that is in it"...Boom, yet again.
The journey to my self-dicovery was on poitn now. I started to ask if God made me like Him, why on earth am I having to fight so hard for other people's affection and love. For their acceptance and permission to live my life. Why on earth am I still doing the things I am doing to put myself in hamrs way just to win their affection. After all, I am made in His devine image and I am like him, a minuture version of the devine God. All that He is I am.
Secondly I started to ask why are the so many things always troubling me, the challenges that always seem to be too big to overcome and problems "always follow me around", and it dawned on me agian that I was given authority over the earth and everything in/on it. that simply put; nothing can happen to me and harm me unless I allow it. I have absolute power to overcome everything and live that happy life that I want to live.
I know this might sound like pop psychology but if one exercises that power, you can never again become a victim of anyone or anything else. You might not have control over your external circumstances but you have control over your internal cirmcumstances.
Right at that moment, I decided that the journey to self discovery has to start with knowing my inner man quite well. I need to understand Karabo Lepote from inside and I owe nothing to anyone. I realised that my failures and successes are mine and mine alone and if I ever have to explain myself to anyone I will always be wasting time explaining myself and none on living my life.
The return to first love had to be the begining of my journey and I hope your. First Love being loving yourself. Beind aware of who you are and never having to compromise on anything and never letting other's shine at your expense. The return to first love simply mean loving yourself enough to know that if you don't love love yourself and celebrate the creation of God in you, you will never be able to love anyone else. If you can't love whats right inside you, how can you love whats foreign to you. This return to first love meant I need to trim the branches that I not beraing fruits in my life and allowing those fruit-bearing one to enter my life. The return to first means, no one can ever make me feel worthier than I do myself and all the affection I can get from other people can only compliment what I feel for myself.
My return to first love means I would now appreaciate and celebrate Karabo every minute because doing so I would be celebrating God's workmanship and work of fine art.
That seems to be quite a lot to take in in one seesion and therefore I decided I am gonna break it down into smaller pieces and share my experiences with you all as I go. This is the start of a great journey and lets all begin it together and I open the floor, so to speak, for anyone to share their experiences so that we can all benefit from this well of life's wisdom
With Love Karabo
But the title hit another nerve last night when I was dragged into one of those conversations. A friend called me and out of the blue asked me if I think he loves himself; and knowing that I am one to be honest, I simply said no. My explanation for my blunt take on the question was: if you loved yourself, you will never put yourself in harms way and do the things that bring misery and hurt into your life. He argued back and said "that drama always follows me wherever I go" and I was quick to point out that drama never follows us, we simply invite it and bring it to ourselves.
Although this was not about me, after I hung the phone it dawned on me that I was saying all these to him and not realising that I should be saying the same things to myself. I started a minute journey into my past and realised all the things that I had come accross, the dramas, the fights, the miseries and heartbreaks and headaches; and realised that about eighty percent of them were simply unneccesary and had I loved myself enough I would not have allowed these into my life.
I realised that for the longest time, I had put my life on a very thin threat that could break at any point simply because I cared very little about me and more about other people. Some of the decisions I made were there to support other dreams not mine.
Going back to that qoute I promised not to mention, I realised that "I let my light go out so that other's can shine". I belittled myself so that others could appear gigantic.
I spent the last five to six years of my life trying to get affirmation from other people. and could stop at nothing to get it and the smallest of these "affirmations" could send chills down my spine. The very thought that someone thinks I am hot, made me intoxicated with affection and I regretably would let them "get away with murder".
Twenty Ten with its challenges and strangely enough heartbreaks, presented me an opportunity to sit back and reflect on this long history of self-love or the lack of. It came to me when friends started spending less time with me. When loved ones seemingly turned a blind eye to my challenges that the root of everything was not with other people but myself. The root of all my problems and unhappiness was with "First Love".
After all the ranting I would like to just take a few more lines of your time and share with you my little but possibly life-changing discovery.
I started looking for answers about who I was and what I wanted out of life and one simple answer came to me and put a lot of things in perspective. I remembered a scripture in Genesis 1:26 where God says" Let us make man in our image so that he can be like us". Boom right there, I had my Oprah's light bulb moment.
That God in His greatness and groly...rolled up His sleeves and made man...He did not speak man into being like He did with all the other creatures, but He said His plan and went down to create man. Over and above that, He said I will make him/her into my image so that he can and should be like Him.
Now it goes further and says "So that he can have authority over the earth and everything that is in it"...Boom, yet again.
The journey to my self-dicovery was on poitn now. I started to ask if God made me like Him, why on earth am I having to fight so hard for other people's affection and love. For their acceptance and permission to live my life. Why on earth am I still doing the things I am doing to put myself in hamrs way just to win their affection. After all, I am made in His devine image and I am like him, a minuture version of the devine God. All that He is I am.
Secondly I started to ask why are the so many things always troubling me, the challenges that always seem to be too big to overcome and problems "always follow me around", and it dawned on me agian that I was given authority over the earth and everything in/on it. that simply put; nothing can happen to me and harm me unless I allow it. I have absolute power to overcome everything and live that happy life that I want to live.
I know this might sound like pop psychology but if one exercises that power, you can never again become a victim of anyone or anything else. You might not have control over your external circumstances but you have control over your internal cirmcumstances.
Right at that moment, I decided that the journey to self discovery has to start with knowing my inner man quite well. I need to understand Karabo Lepote from inside and I owe nothing to anyone. I realised that my failures and successes are mine and mine alone and if I ever have to explain myself to anyone I will always be wasting time explaining myself and none on living my life.
The return to first love had to be the begining of my journey and I hope your. First Love being loving yourself. Beind aware of who you are and never having to compromise on anything and never letting other's shine at your expense. The return to first love simply mean loving yourself enough to know that if you don't love love yourself and celebrate the creation of God in you, you will never be able to love anyone else. If you can't love whats right inside you, how can you love whats foreign to you. This return to first love meant I need to trim the branches that I not beraing fruits in my life and allowing those fruit-bearing one to enter my life. The return to first means, no one can ever make me feel worthier than I do myself and all the affection I can get from other people can only compliment what I feel for myself.
My return to first love means I would now appreaciate and celebrate Karabo every minute because doing so I would be celebrating God's workmanship and work of fine art.
That seems to be quite a lot to take in in one seesion and therefore I decided I am gonna break it down into smaller pieces and share my experiences with you all as I go. This is the start of a great journey and lets all begin it together and I open the floor, so to speak, for anyone to share their experiences so that we can all benefit from this well of life's wisdom
With Love Karabo
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The right to think what I want to think
Ok I just thought maybe I should share some of my thoughts on one annoying feature in the news lately. I have been reading a lot late about some "Botes" or some other charector that said she did not trust black people and /or disliked black folk. and she said it in the media which just sent shock waves down everybody's spine, including yours truly.
Of course after an occasional glass of the fermented reg grapes and dried green leaves, one turns to sit down and really think about issues without the outside influence. (becuase after that combination, you can't do anything else).
I started reflecting on some of her statement and wondered how true they were in my life. I have been mugged a couple of time in my life and three three out of five times have been in Cape Town by coloured guys. And after these incidents, whenever I see a funny looking colourd person in CT I always run for cover if I can. I have the inability to walk freely in the streets of Cape Town withou thinking about when its going to happen again and always think that it is probably going to be colourds guys that mug.
When she said the that if there is a black guy at her door, she does not open, I could also relate because I would never open for a black guy given that they came into our house and tied the helper after she opened for them. If I see a white guy chances are, I will open withou first interrogating the man like the CIA.
The point I am making here is a very simple one, the experiences we have shape the thinking we develop. What haapens to us and building up of these experiences happens to shape how we react in the future and how we see people and things.
I might not tolerate the statements that this Botes woman has said but Ido understand why she said the same things given my own experiences. I am sure that so many people wold concur that what she said we have all said...Black, White, Indian, Coloured, Asian or race living in this country. We have repeated the things she said, the only difference she came out of the closet about it.
And untill we all come out of the closet and say it in public the things we say in private we can never really judge anyone who says it. And in any case I though we have the right to think however we want to think and express our thoughts. We express our hatred of the president when he fathers another child and why anyone in this country express what they think.
I personally think government should use such utterances to reflect on the bigger issues that are affecting South Africa, crime being at the top of my mind.
Of course after an occasional glass of the fermented reg grapes and dried green leaves, one turns to sit down and really think about issues without the outside influence. (becuase after that combination, you can't do anything else).
I started reflecting on some of her statement and wondered how true they were in my life. I have been mugged a couple of time in my life and three three out of five times have been in Cape Town by coloured guys. And after these incidents, whenever I see a funny looking colourd person in CT I always run for cover if I can. I have the inability to walk freely in the streets of Cape Town withou thinking about when its going to happen again and always think that it is probably going to be colourds guys that mug.
When she said the that if there is a black guy at her door, she does not open, I could also relate because I would never open for a black guy given that they came into our house and tied the helper after she opened for them. If I see a white guy chances are, I will open withou first interrogating the man like the CIA.
The point I am making here is a very simple one, the experiences we have shape the thinking we develop. What haapens to us and building up of these experiences happens to shape how we react in the future and how we see people and things.
I might not tolerate the statements that this Botes woman has said but Ido understand why she said the same things given my own experiences. I am sure that so many people wold concur that what she said we have all said...Black, White, Indian, Coloured, Asian or race living in this country. We have repeated the things she said, the only difference she came out of the closet about it.
And untill we all come out of the closet and say it in public the things we say in private we can never really judge anyone who says it. And in any case I though we have the right to think however we want to think and express our thoughts. We express our hatred of the president when he fathers another child and why anyone in this country express what they think.
I personally think government should use such utterances to reflect on the bigger issues that are affecting South Africa, crime being at the top of my mind.
MY FIRST EVER POST- Season to be pissed Off
Festive Season has always been a wonderful season for me to just kick back and relax and enjoy my God-given right to lift my legs in the air. Previously, even when my family and loved ones were not seeing eye to eye, this time of the year was perfect to just let go and pretend we are OK with each other for the sake of showing love.
This year is becoming very difficult for one to do just that over the festive season...Given that this is my first blogging, I thought I should just bitch a little and hopefully feel better come Christmas.
And then the little angel in me said I should simply write all the things I am great-full for...Now here I am going to summarize them cause God knows I am great-full about a lot of things:
anyway I guess by posting this, I am making a commitment to myself to share my thoughts with rest of the online community and hopefully have meaningful discussions and all kinds of lovely things...
cheers for now
(This is my first ever post and still resonate with me today) WOW!!!! (I had so many spelling mistakes in the original text, I want to jump up and down)
This year is becoming very difficult for one to do just that over the festive season...Given that this is my first blogging, I thought I should just bitch a little and hopefully feel better come Christmas.
And then the little angel in me said I should simply write all the things I am great-full for...Now here I am going to summarize them cause God knows I am great-full about a lot of things:
- I am grateful that each day comes and goes with me breathing in oxygen and breathing out CO2 because that's the essence of being alive
- I am grateful that even if I am not going to see my family this year, that I still have them in my life and we can still tell each other daily that we love each other.
- I am grateful that even if my meal only constitute a slice of bread and peanut butter, that I am still fortunate enough to say that I have had a meal, when billions around the world are struggling to get even that slice that I have
- I am grateful that I have friends that I love and I believe share the same love as me. That even if we don't speak and see each other on the regular, we can still consider ourselves friends.
- I am grateful that I have a job and am grateful that I have been blessed with all kind of blessing every single day of my life.
- I grateful that even to this day, I have never slept outside in the sun or in the rain, that God has always given me a roof over my head
- I am grateful that I can share my gratitude with so many people all at once
- Most importantly i AM GRATEFUL THAT GOD HAS BEEN TRUE AND FAITHFUL TO HIS WORD THAT "HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME"
anyway I guess by posting this, I am making a commitment to myself to share my thoughts with rest of the online community and hopefully have meaningful discussions and all kinds of lovely things...
cheers for now
(This is my first ever post and still resonate with me today) WOW!!!! (I had so many spelling mistakes in the original text, I want to jump up and down)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)